You frustrate me;

I try to explain to myself all the time that he is a good guy he doesn't mean it. But I'm done with his bullshit Its gotten to a point where i miss sleep and i start slacking and stop focusing. When is he gunna learn? Probably never or when he has a heart attack.

I'm getting really sick of waking up every Thursday feeling exhausted, irritated, pissed off,

and extremely emotional. I want to know I have parent that don't act like children. They go

out and party at least twice a week. And mom said "Its good to have a break in the middle

of the week" Yes but do you honestly have to lie to your children every week about the

time your coming home, or how drunk you really are. See it gets to a point where I don't

even feel safe being at home. Especially when your in my fucking face screaming and

spitting. All because the door was locked.

Dude your 40 years old, don't you think its about time you grew up a little? If not for

you then at least for you children. I'm worried for my future. Is this how I'm going be?

Hell no. I'm not going to let it. And I know that Alcoholism runs on both sides of the family

so I'm really worried. But seriously, back to my point.. Your not just ruining your own life

your ruining the children you have in your house. By coming home extremely drunk and

yelling in their face your teaching them that it is right, and its okay to do that. But its not.

Okay I'm done.

It's a Everyday Battle

"I don't have a quote for this."

-Momo

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What are you suppose to do when the love of your life is leaving? Leaving in May. Leaving in May for the Military. My mind is having trouble getting around this thought of him leaving, we just started talking again, don't take him away. But I can't beg him to stay, I can't change his dream. The only thing I can do is promise to be here when gets back. But I don't know if thats a promise I know I can keep. My whole word is about to be flipped upside down. Just let me see him one more time. Ugh. I hate this.

And I Hope This is The End;

"pretty girl is suffering while he confesses everything.
pretty soon she'll figure out what his intentions were about.
and that's what you get for falling again;
you can never get him out of your head.
and that's what you get for falling again;
you can never get him out of your head."

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-Sorry Missy I stole your idea (:

Yet again another night of yelling and screaming. This time I wasn't so lucky to go back to sleep. My mom came into my room and made me talk to her, seeing how today is the 28th. Its been 7 months and she's freaked out and my dad keeps screaming. Because my mom keeps talking... shocker! Just yesterday afternoon my mom and I were talking about how good my dad was doing on his drinking, then this happens. She leaves my room and I fall back to sleep, not a very deep sleep like I was in earlier.

I started dreaming, and there he was... again. It hasn't been in my dreams for awhile and I was shocked to see him there. It was a weird dream, and I'm not going to go into detail. No its wasn't dirty.

Sick of This Shit;

And another night waking up to screaming. We actually a door slam and yelling. I thought things were different now, but I guess I was wrong. I thought they would actually learn something, but I was so wrong. Things aren't different, and their headed in the same direction. I think to myself "It will end soon, just close your eyes and go to your happy place."

My happy place is a memory from my childhood, one of the only ones I remember. It was snowing, we had no school, and my dad was off work. The neighborhood filled with kids as the snow grew greater and greater. It was a friday, so we had all weekend to play with the new snow. But we wanted to get started right away. We started pilling up snow till it was taller than I was. Then we wetted it down so we could slide. Working side by side with my dad we built something that I would remember forever, and the whole neighborhood could appreciate, but only if I wanted them too.

Not before Long, I fell back asleep, But only to be woken up once again by voices shouting, and my sister yelling and crying, a mix I've heard before. Two hours later everything was quiet and still. I feel back asleep, and then my phone went off. Time to get up.

I've Been Dreaming all along;

"Complete and total adoration,
My gift to you, my heart was yours,
In ten weeks you shaped it,
In one night you murdered it.
Torn from my chest and laid at your feet,
That first step you took was the worst."

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I keep having dreams with this recurring person/boy. Its starting to freak me out. It doesn't matter what the dream is, he just walks by, sometimes says hi, sometimes nothing, and sometimes we have a conversation. I've tried googling this but i can't find anything. I don't know what it means. Is it a sign?

"The message in recurring dreams may be so important and/or powerful that it refuses to go away."

Why is this important now? I haven't talked to him in quite awhile, why now?

I guess I just dont understand, does anyone else?