Snow Days!

-The three days off from school was good, sitting around doing nothing but watching sad movies and sleeping.

-Sometimes wish I things would change at my house, but they won't.

-I might be getting a job; god I hope so.

-I almost got into a car accident going to see Aubrey.

-Why does Erron put her baby girl through all of this?

I NEED TO CLEARR MY HEAD! Yay! Christmas vacation!

Question.

Why do we intentionally do something

that we know is going to hurt us?

-----------------------------------------

Everyone does it, i think it is Human nature. We just have to see if we were right. And when we are, and we get hurt we blame other people, for intentionally hurting yourself. When something crosses our minds, it seems like a brilliant idea, then you do it. And then you think about what you did, and your like that was fucking stupid. "UNDELETE!" But you can't undelete life, you have to make mistakes in order to learn. You have to get over your past and be satisfied with it before you can move on into the future. But until then Your stuck. You have to learn to let go and move on, and leave whatever it is holding you back behind. We do something that we know will hurt us because we want to go back into the past, we want to fix things we did in the past, we want this time to be different. But it cant.

Your Stuck.

Remember This?

!@#$%&

"But I'm stuck in this fucking rut;

Wait another second then pick me up;

And I'm over, getting older..."

-All Time Low

----------------------------------------------

I'm in a bit of a rut myself, should I call him? Should he know that I think about him 24/7? What will he say? He seemed happy the last time we talked. Would that still be the case? I miss him so much. More than I ever thought I could. He lives so far, but I can't get his face out of my head. I can't focus on anything today, I can't sit still without my mind wondering to his face. I don't think he feels the same anymore. Maybe its just puppy love, but I love seeing his face, hearing his voice, and I can't forget his touch. I found something out, that changed my perspective on him, I thought everything we had in the beginning was a lie. But how do I know I'm right? But how do I know I'm wrong? I thought that nothing could come from this one little thing, but It turned into so much more. I miss him, plain and simple. But I can't fix that. If its meant to be, then it will happen right? Why can't I just force it to happen? Ugh. What should I do?

Babby!

I have a headache.

I hate school.

But I love being greeted coming home from school (:

She's only two, and not even mine.

But I love her lots.

Want a gold star?

Way to start drama!

Again.

Its what your good at.

Talking shit.

Fuck people;

me- "I do have a job"

him- "what corner?"

Fucking rude.

I'm not a whore, nor will I ever be, I don't want a disease.

Dear Hunter;

Your my best guy friend, and I treat you like shit sometimes. I'm sorry I call you fat, your not fat your just a growing boy. I yell at you all the time and I abuse you. I'm sorry. I dont want to lose you as a friend because I do any of this shit. So I'm working on it. I'm sorry hunter.

Adventure!;

"The Tigers looked so sad, and they were hungry!"

"Spider Web, thingy"

"ITS AN ORANGUTAN!"

"She liked me (:"

"This was her baby"

"In the penguin bowl."

Thats a Friday Night;

"I sit on you!"

"Upside down tradition"

"Say cheese..." "Wheres the cheese?"

"Uh?"

"No comment."

"Lets all open our mouths for this one"

"Cami do poses for us"

"Theres food in my mouth you hoe."

50 People;

1. I loveeee you (:

2. Your my best guy friend (:

3. You let me down.

4. Your my foods buddy
5. SUMMER BUDDY. i love you (:

6. Your a know it all, but I still love you.

7. Your a fake ass bitch.

8. I think I like you?

9. --- To The World!

10. I use to hate you; now I love you.

11. Your moving down the street from me!

12. You use to be my best friend, now I don't trust you.

13. Your my natural Science buddy.

14. Your a hoe bag. But I love you lots.

15. You kinda whine and bitch a lot.

16. Your a fucking baby.

17. Your black.

18. Your black and super white.

19. You gave me your beads! (:

20. Your really crazy, and i loveee you baby!

21. I've known you a long time, and I like you a lot. But :/

22. You cause a lot of your own problems, but I'm glad your getting help now.

23. Your really fucking dumb.

... more to come!

And When You change, I wont be there;

I got my hopes up, but for what?

Just to be let down again.

This is why I don't trust anyone, this is why I don't date anyone.

I hate the feeling that it leaves me, like I'm not going to ever be good enough for anyone ever again. I hate how hard it is to pretend that everything is alright. I'm sick of lying to everyone and myself.

I just hate being let down.

By the People I care about most.

I'm moving on.

Again.

How Time Really Fly's;

"Second by second, minute by minute,

hour by hour, day by day,

week by week, and month by month."

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

And now its 6 months later, Wow how time passes by. That's six months of time I haven't spent with her. I know she is in a better place, and I have accepted what happened. I just wish the story didn't end this way. So many things that I wish I could have told her, and So many things I wish I could have shown her. I know she would be proud of me going to church and my grades, I just wish I could hear her approval in my ear. Even though I know exactly what she would say. Not a day that goes by that I don't wish she could still be with us. But I'm glad she's not hurting that way any more I know she loves it better up there. She can have anything she wants. And watch all her babies do what she couldn't. I wish I could go back to the months that she was in the hospital and take her out and make her wish come true. Just for her to go home, in her own house. But I can't. I wasn't there when she took her last breath but I wish I was. It's been hard without her no doubt. But we're a strong family we will keep going strong.

R.I.P Grandma Connie

4-28-09

My Bucket List;

Things I want to do before I die:

Skydiving

Go To Italy

Get married

Have babies

Smoke with Missy and KiKi

Drink with Missy and KiKi

Fall In Love

Stay in Love

Be an astronaut

Hang out with Cody

Go to Amsterdam

Go to Missy's quietest party

Watch Aubrey grow up

Get accepted into LSU

Donate money to Invisible Children

..more to come

KFC Jew;

I saw a Jewish kid working at KFC.

lmao I love you KiKi.

Good times.

Now back to reality, lmao. Me and Hunter are both going on diets b/c hes a fag, and Baylen says I'm too fat. So whatever. We're going all day without eating. B/c this school is making people fat!

And, the red tape over your mouth people; your dumb. If you don't like abortion wouldnt you want to express that you don't like it? Wow.

Oh yeah, for people that we're close to me last year, Remember Pablo? lmao he's not sexy anymore.

Okay, I ran out.

I'll Rant later (:

Intercession!

I had an amazing break, heres the run down:

Wednesday:

-Went to Church with Cami

-Spent the night with her Foster family

Thursday:

-Pumpkin Patch (:

-Dentist

Friday:

-Cami Came over

-Went to See Baylen

-Almost peed our pants!

-Saw Sheridan and Lea

-Shadows Edge

-Babysat Aubrey!

-Made a big ass tent!

-Went to sleep.

Saturday:

-GO BIG RED!

-We lost

Sunday:

-Watched movies in bed.

Thanks to all the people i saw this break.

You made it wonderful!

Terrible;

Yesterday I was driving home, about to take Dan and Hunter home. I was driving on 90th street, when i looked over. Saw Austin's car. I kept driving because I didnt have to pick up my sister. The whole way home I kept thinking about his car coming up by mine so i kept looking, looking for it. While i was driving my mind started to wonder. All the sudden I found myself in the wrong neighborhood, my neighborhood. My mind was so side tracked I forgot that I had Hunter and Dan in the car. I felt so stupid that I let seeing his car make my mind wonder that bad. Something could have happened to us, and it would have been my fault because i wasn't fully paying attention.

Gahh :/

Austin Wetuski feels left out. So This is for him. He's my buddy.

I got this new attitude;

Everyones writing about love; and i have nothing to say about it.

The end (:

Midnight Snacks;

"Shut the fuck up Tammy!"

-Jim

Homecoming.

"Funny faces this time.."

"The Group?"

"Pictures at the dinner table"

These were long over due, and I got bored so I thought i would put them on here.

Bloody Knuckles;

A game where blood is good? And the more you bleed the weaker you are, and the less you bleed the tougher you are? I really don't understand why people who play this, I mean your intentionally hurting yourself, so its basically the same thing as cutting yourself? In a way it sounds true to me. Its so stupid, its not even amusing anymore. I mean your shooting a quarter at your knuckles, what is really the point of this? Its stupid, its dumb, the end.

Some people have really changed since you first met them. I know I have. I grew up.

Baylens Reply.

This is meant to be personal but i want to share it:

wow. i dont know what to say. thats like the validation ive been wanting to hear from you forever.

i cant tell you how many people have asked me why i put up with it all. and i think its because i have so many problems helping myself, i feel like i hjave to help other people. and i felt like if i helped you enough it would help me too. at first i was doing it to prove how much i love you, and in a way i still am. because theres always a part of me that loves you. but after a while i just wanted to be the person that would never let you down. im still trying to be there for you, and it will be tough where i am going to be. it is going to be a rough year for both of us. but now our roles are going to change. i need you to be the person i can rely on. youve always supported me in good decisions and bad. i know in my heart you want me to be the best person i can be and your helping me achieve that. as long as you send letters to my mom they will get to me. and i will get them to you. you are my best friend, with all your faults and you have a lot fersure. but you have so many more qualities that make you such a great person. i think its one of the reasons i fell in love with you. no one else has ever known me as well as you do. im still not used to having someone like that, and its scary and i get paranoid. reading that makes me believe youll be there for me till...the end? but i honestly hope to God that there never is an "end".

This is Original.

There is no easy was to talk about this, so I'm just going to get straight to the point;

Your my best friend, and your leaving.

You truly are my best friend because you were there for the most shit, you've put up with so much from me and you honestly deserve an award or something. I put you through hell and you were always still there to help me through anything. I can't thank you enough for all the times that you have listened to me cry, bitch, and just talk. Even when it was about other guys, it didn't matter you sat there and listened and helped me the best you could. And now your leaving for up to a year.

I'm really going to miss you, I already do and your not even gone yet. I miss our phone calls, and just you picking on me. I miss the relationship we had, where we could just say stupid shit and the other person would automatically get it. I don't have that kind of relationship with anyone else. I miss you so much.

P.S.

I'm sorry if anyone hates Baylen, but please don't talk shit on him, Because he's the one who is always going to be there, no matter how bad you treat him. He's the person you can call and bitch too after you had a horrible day, and no matter how much he doesnt like you, he will sit there listen and help you. So think about what you say before you open your mouth. Thank you (;

Gahh!

This year is going to be tough.

Drama Mama.

This is annoying, Grow up.

I don't want to get in the middle of this.

Because Its not my problem. But I just don't want to listen to it anymore.

Its annoying.

And I realize that what Cindy did was fucked up,

But why does it still have to continue?

Why can't she let it go, and take responsibility for her actions?

Why is is all people have to talk about or bring up?

Why are people so immature?

I wish my questions could be answered.

But they cant.

On a happy note:

I get to play with Aubrey almost all week

(:

I'll vent more later.

Short and To the Point.

I hate people who pretend to someone who they aren't!

Just to fit it.

Can Love Really Last a Lifetime?

Today I was out and about, and I saw an old couple walk out of Walgreens, They look like they have been together for 50 years. He was holding her hand, and helping her walk. You could tell she was fragile but he held onto her with all his strength and then he opened her door for her. And she was the driver. It was so cute. They looked so happy together, not just comfortable they looked really happy. They have probably been together since they were in school, or even longer.

Then I was out to eat, and there was a huge group of senior citizens and as I looked over all the women we're at one end and all the men we're at the other end. My mom explained to me that, that was an thing they did a very long time ago. It was amazing.

The whole drive home I was wondering about things, I wish I grew up in the 1940's when thing had to be "Perfect." You lived in a white picket fence neighborhood, women were never seen without wearing a dress, your house always looked superb, and the wives stayed home and waited on the men. I wish that was still the way things were, I wish I could see that. And now the closest to that I will ever be is Desperate Housewives. And nowadays when your looking for a house, you have to worry "is it going to be safe?" In many ways. Why can't it go back to the way things were, it seemed great. Everyone went to Balls, and everything was always in place. You never went anywhere without a full set of make-up, your hair done, and you outfit absolutely gorgeous! When it was wrong to show your knees or even your ankles. People in the 1940's had it made. But they had to work for what they got. And thats whats wrong with our generation, we dont want to work for anything, we think everyone is just handed to us. Because thats what has happened to us. And thats all we are going to know.

I'm going to go live my past live now. I'm out

(:

Oh baby, I love you but fuck you.

Why must you always glare at me, with this stupid pissed off puppy dog look? Your pathetic and dumb to think it even effects me. Because your stupid, and your wasting your time. Your right, I dont like you. And I dont give a fuck what you think. I'm not here to impress you, I'm not here to impress anyone. I do things my own way, and on my own time. I don't care what anyone has to say, unless you really mean something to me.

Your pathetic in the way you can't get your own men, and the way you have to steal your friends boyfriends.

Your just a straight up bitch. And I've told you that before.

This school is stupid and all they care about it their rep. The teachers don't even care about you, they just want them to look good and all tough. Like in Weight Training or in any other PE classes they don't care if you cant do it, or have asthma. They just want themselves to look good.

As for the people, most of them are fake as hell, sit there talking shit and have nothing to back it up with. What kind of shit is that? You sit there and act like your all tough and can take anyone, but the minute someone comes up to you, you back down like the pussy you are. God damn, and ya talk behind people back.

People nowadays need to grow the fuckk up.

A Final Good-Bye

Between me and you, a lot of shit went down. Mostly my fault, but some of it yours.

I want to believe that one day, we will be friends again. But we wont.

Because all the trust you had in me, suddenly disappeared.

All because I was under pressure.

You let her control you, you let her change you, But most of all, she pushed you away...

From everyone.

Its your life, and there is no room in it for me to tell you, or show you what she has done to you.

I wish you could see it, but she's has taken over your life.

I realize how pathetic this sounds. But i just can't get over the fact:

That you let one girl to all of this to you.

I know what i did was wrong, But i hope you clearly see now how much you still effect me.

Your constantly running through my mind, and I just want that to stop.

I miss you dearly, but I can't and won't get over what you have not knowingly done.

I hope you soon see what she has done, and i hope you make changes for yourself, and everyone around you. No matter who you are and what you have done to other people.

No one deserves what she has done.

She manipulated everyone, and lied. Just to make you hers.

Was I just a rebound?

who cares anymore.

So this is Good-bye.

Even if you won't see this.

I'm done (: